Hippies vs. hipsters
I have to apologise that it isn’t actually Monday (as the first line in the paragraph below states). It is actually Wednesday and I have been unable to post this post due to a severe lack of spare time and some serious weariness. We have been attacking the garden like a well-oiled machine but our machine has a few bits that might need replacing and is able to be registered as “Vintage” so we are suffering a bit for our actions. I slept 9 hours last night which is completely unheard of for me but we cleared another area of the garden and managed to find that path that I have been alluding to for years now. We also removed needle sharp dead palm fronds from around the bottom of the huge palm tree we just liberated and put them around the maple tree we liberated last week that has been suffering from repeated possum attack since it’s blackberry protection detail was removed. We have removed and burned a huge amount of debris and we sleep like babies every night. I am posting this now because I will be working on Sunday as we have a limited amount of time to finish this garden area in before we go back to TAFE from our holidays and life keeps getting in the way so we need to put in a concerted effort to do as much as we can. Back to the blog post and please consider this Sunday’s post.
It’s Monday. I have the luxury of not having to post a blog post if I don’t want to. I figure if I am posting to a set date, you guys are not getting the best of me; you are getting a sulking minimalist version of my dulcet self so I will post when I feel like posting and when I have something to say. That’s how I roll now. We spent the day lounging around in various stages of sloth yesterday. I didn’t post a blog post and I wasn’t sorry. I managed to water Sanctuary, read; drink lots of tea watch “Back to the Future” and “The Pick of Destiny “ and then “School of Rock” on Netflix and hook a slouchy hat and a half using this awesome and most easy crochet pattern. Anyone who wants to make a warm squishy hat FAST give this a go. The genius of this crochet hat is that it doesn’t look too much like trebles where it completely IS trebles. I must admit to being a bit of a crochet snob and I don’t like the big clumping nature of trebles but this turns trebles on their side and makes their bad feature into something good. You end up with a hat that looks like ribbing and that is nice and stretchy and doesn’t squeeze the living life out of your cranium. I also like that it actually looks good, always a plus when you have something welded to your head for the duration. You could make yourself a plethora of slouchies. You could be the slouchy queen/king of your local district. The sky is the limit folks! If you can’t crochet, get someone to make this hat for you. It’s really easy so you don’t have to feel like you are putting them out. Most people who crochet are statistically mad and compulsive and you can tell them by watching their hands when you talk to them. They tend to be moving them around a lot (be careful if you are talking to an Italian, you might get a false reading) in a vain effort to stop the hooking desires that are urging them on.
“So what’s this bizzo about hipsters eh? Has she got (another) bee in her bonnet about another subclass of humanity? The way she is going she isn’t going to have anyone left to associate with!” Yeah, most probably. That’s how hermits tend to roll BUT I offer up my twitchy discontent about hipsters as a real and valid excuse to avoid them at best and at my ranting worst, actively campaign against them when I have nothing else to (complain about) do. Hipsters are the reincarnated children of those horrific 80’s business folk who actively facilitated and embraced the rise of silicon valley, mass marketing and milking the populace via the internet. They all called themselves “Entrepreneurs” and wore power suits with shoulder pads bigger than their credit card bills. They did a number on the world until their exorbitantly selfish lifestyles came back to bite them with that Wall Street crash. They had children. I KNOW! Where did they find the time to raise kids when they were so actively embracing and chasing the holy dollar? One word… “Nannies”. Yeah those kids of selfish parents grew up to be equally as selfish but they learned that you can manipulate the market to your advantage (through guilting out their rich AWOL parents magnificently from an early age) and have all decided to become “Alternative middlemen/women” of leisure.
Hipsters want the very best for the very least amount of time and energy/effort spent. You can immediately spot them as they tend to be pierced, bearded, tattooed, sipping excellent coffee and heavily opinionated and have hooked themselves up to the latest trend or even better, they have STARTED the latest trend so that they can be in on the ground floor and make the most money. Social media is their biotch and they milk it like free range, grass fed cows. The easiest way to spot a hipster (aside from my earlier physical representation) is that they permanently have their eye on the money. Watch them. Wherever hipsters go there is always an angle to make a buck. Their websites (and they ALL have websites) are littered with PayPal opportunities to pay them for their next UBER latte and crowd funding to pay for their next adventure or equipment to facilitate this adventure and what are we paying them for? Most of them have just harvested a stack of information online and have re-branded it, polished it up a bit and resold it as “Trending” and “New”. Their prey are the vast, open source annuls of 70’s hippies who wanted to change the world and who freely shared EVERYTHING (thus rendering it perfect for re-branding, Instagramming and on selling). Hipsters also want to change the world but they also want to ride it like Seabiscuit to prosperity and Aruba.
Never trust a hipster. They all have degrees in Marketing and could sell you your own grandmother for twice what she originally cost in the blink of an eye. They come disguised as “Green” but green sells at the moment and you can bet your life they will hurl themselves nonchalantly at the next trend in a heartbeat. Reeking of coffee and Cuban cigars, the hipsters of the world are worse than their parents as their greed is honed by their expensive private education and their parents experience and relies on “the rest of us” falling for their marketing techniques, paying through the nose for their re-branding, and funding every step of their latest venture which inevitably involves them being AWOL in some far flung country whilst everyone else keeps the home fire burning.
There is a fine line between true hipsters and environmentalists. You can’t just use the physical guide to pick a hipster because they have cleverly infiltrated themselves into the alternative culture and the coalface of the trendiest trends. You have to dig a bit deeper and look for those dollar signs spilling out of their homespun, hand-drawn-fonted pockets. If someone is going to share something with you and they don’t ask you for money up front, they are most likely NOT a hipster. They do tend to hang around the fringes of the environmental clique, picking off unwary newbs with more money (or social outrage) than sense but the best bet is to always ask lots of questions and more pointedly, check out the flow of any money involved. If it ends up indirectly in your new best beardy pierced and tattooed mate’s pocket, you can hazard a guess that you were just touted by a hipster.
Why the outrage at hipsters? Because they are just telemarketers with trendy skin is all. They are just as invasive, nefarious and divisive but they trick people out of their money in more inventive ways. They know ALL of the marketing tricks, the psychology, the divisive ways to get people to willingly part with their cash and they home in on a society that feels like it has been cut adrift from itself and is desperate to reconnect with nature and life. We are all becoming conditioned to head to social media to check out public opinion on a regular basis. I am just as guilty as the next person of checking my Facebook page many times a day. I don’t remember when I started to need to check in so often but apparently I do. When I am not wading through meme’s and comments and articles that friends and family have shared, I am commenting, sharing and meming it up with the best of them. I looked at my Facebook feed the other day and realised that for a woman who prides herself on being a person who thinks, I was falling for social media, hook, line and sinker. I know it’s trendy to step back from Facebook but anyone who knows me knows that trends are not my thing. I like to do things because they make a difference to my/our lives and I am starting to think that unhooking from Facebook might just be a really good way to get back time that I could be crocheting, baking, reading, “Living”…
We had a lovely few days off and we are back out in the garden today. I get to take a day off next week to celebrate my youngest daughters 26th birthday and we are heading down to Hobart for a girls day out. I love that I am still part of my daughter’s lives, even if my ability to drive is part of that quotient. You take what you can get with adult kids. We are plotting where to get hold of 9 bales of straw to line the glasshouse for an overwintering experiment with our tropical babies this year, as well as working out how to minimise white fly invasion in advance. Sanctuary is prone to white fly and this year is no anomaly. They rise to greet me whenever I wave the hose in their general direction. We have also decided that Early May is when we will start renovating Sanctuary. We want our new system up and running by the growing season. I want to grow some broad beans and green winter veg over the winter period as well as cover crops for our new system to ensure that everything is in top order to give it the best chance of delivering in spring/summer 2016. I can’t wait to share it all with you but for now it’s “out to the garden Maud” where narf7 is going to be head down and derrière up for the foreseeable future.
By the way, before anyone points out to me that the slouchy hat that I shared with you all is about as hipster as you can get and ask me to self-flagellate in order to atone, I volunteered my services as a hat hooker to a friend in need (bald, winter, in need…) of a hat of sorts and he picked out the hat above as something that he would be happy to be seen sipping latte’s and taking selfies with his iPhone in trendy cafés in Melbourne wearing. I have already run the hipster test on him. He is a victim of trending rather than any kind of hipsterish avarice-like need to make moola so thus he gets a hat. Just a note to any hipsters seeing this amazing hat and thinking that they could put old narf7 to sweatshop purposes, hooking hats for them while they wing their way to Cuba…”I wasn’t born yesterday and you are going to have to get up a whole LOT earlier in the day to pull the wool over my eyes!” 😉